I am not at all a summer person. Even after growing in Florida, amid an atmosphere only slightly less humid than New Orleans, heat is not something I like. In fact after the past decade of living in a huge artificial oasis on the coast of the American Southwest Desert (i.e. Los Angeles) my emotional attachment to Autumn has grown. More puzzling is that Autumn includes so many disappointments.
My mother died in November. So did the woman I loved. Those are the top ones. But there were more, including the last time I tried hosting a party. A Halloween party. Costumes, naturally. One person arrived. We watched 1977's BBC Count Dracula and chatted. Never tried that again.
All of which makes me sound like a whiner, doesn't it? Or at least depressed. Me, I prefer the word melancholy. Far more pretentious. More accurate as well. Perhaps I've learned to accept some degree of sadness in my life. Didn't want to. Still seethe in anger at the fact, at times even wanting to scream (maturity means I don't actually do it, though).
There, maybe, lies part of the answer. Autumn is the time when things begin to die. Yet, as Cyrano pointed out, each leaf achieves a kind of glory as it falls. Remember Walsh? (From the movie Serenity--go watch it if you haven't.) My perceptions of the world are askew from others. Whereas others look at people's eyes, my eyes find the mouth. You know how so many writers write the equivalent of a sonnet then have to somehow cut it down to a haiku? I'm the opposite. Hence to me the dying of life seems soothing.
Years ago someone uttered a wise sentence to me. "Life always keeps one particular promise--in the end you get to rest." It has helped me, thinking on that. Death has its attractions. But no need to rush. As the autumn leaves fall, they remind me of this.
Such might be part of the answer, anyway.
Here is the list of the September Blog Chain participants:
Ralph_Pines: http://ralfast.wordpress.com/ and direct link to his post
Aheïla: http://thewriteaholicblog.wordpress.com/ and direct link to her post
DavidZahir: http://zahirblue.blogspot.com/ <<<< you are here
NEXT >>>>orion_mk3: http://nonexistentbooks.wordpress.com/
LadyMage: http://www.katherinegilraine.com/
semmie: http://semmie.wordpress.com/
llalah: http://www.twylanonsequitur.blogspot.com/
hillaryjacques: http://www.hillaryjacques.blogspot.com/
AuburnAssassin: http://clairegillian.wordpress.com/
laffarsmith: http://www.craftingfiction.com/
sbclark: http://www.sonyaclark.net/
FreshHell: http://freshhell.wordpress.com/
PASeasholtz: http://www.paseasholtz.com/
SF4-EVER: http://www.ulbrichalmazan.blogspot.com/
T.N. Tobias: http://tnt-tek.com/
IrishAnnie: http://superpenpower.blogspot.com
Proach: http://desstories.blogspot.com/
mada: http://questioningseeking.blogspot.com/
14 comments:
"it isn't as if Autumn is a subject easily exhausted!"
And a good thing, too! I suspect it will be reflected by many bloggers this month. :)
"I've learned to accept some degree of sadness in my life."
I really appreciate this. I was recently contemplating this in my own life. I never set out to be a "sad" person. It just so happens that I carry some heavy thoughts and emotions. I'm finding these days that I don't mind so much. Do I want to be happy? Sure. We all do, to some degree! But I find myself wondering the past few days: If I were truly happy, and had everything I desired, what would inspire me? What would motivate me? What struggles would chisel away at my rough edges? Besides...dawn follows night. Always.
"Life always keeps one particular promise--in the end you get to rest."
Absolutely incredible. I need to write that down and remember it.
Great post, David!
David, you have some wonderful lines in here.
"maturity means I don't actually do it, though" may be the best definition of maturity I've seen.
I like the idea of each leaf achieving glory as it falls. The image just keeps rolling around in my mind.
Who doesn't want to live forever?
Yet, without an end to life, it sort of loses its meaning.
Sorry for your loss and here is to hoping that each day you have be lived to the fullest.
Fall certainly can be a melancholy season! The graying and cooling that accompany it probably don't help, but at least there's consolation in the form of a little temperate weather and some leafy fireworks.
A beautiful post about a beautiful season. I love the line about accepting sadness. I used to wish I was one of the light fluffy people but the older I get the more I embrace my sad/dark tendencies. Always good to hear someone else feels the same.
That is beautifully written. I think autumn has its melancolic charms and the music of the wind in the falling leaves always entrances me.
Yes, there is a sadness, and yours is particularly poignant, but there is also a soothing aspect to death.
Great post! Yes, I do think autumn and sadness can go together. Yet at the same time it's the harvest season, so there's something to be thankful for.
Poignant...
Lovely post, though very sad. But there's no point in suppressing things like that so we might as well find beauty and comfort in them where we can.
Lovely, heartfelt post. I'm so sorry for your double whammy last November. That truly sucks. Fall IS sort of melancholic--it pounces on you just as you finally start to relax into the laziness that is Summer.
Autumn does indeed include so many disappointments but summer and spring are always around the corner. A touching and magnetic post. I'm sorry for your loss.
I love the melancholy style of your blog post... Sad, yes. But I've had some very good friends with the same outlook on life. Just remember that death is inevitable, but not to be hurried. Life is to be enjoyed while it is here...
Years ago I wrote a sonnet called, "Autumn Leaf". :-) Some of the things you mentioned in this post reminded me of it and the book of sonnets I was putting together at the time that had a focus on nature.
There is a balance and majesty in the natural order. The Autumn leaf has served the purpose of its life and goes into its death with new purpose, to enrich the lives of the plants that are still to come from the earth.
Each death cycles into rebirth in one form or another. And in the melancholy there is joy.
Post a Comment