Dream Casting: "The Mummy"

Kindly indulge my fight of fancy for a few moments, will you?

One of my favorite "classic" horror films is 1932's The Mummy with Boris Karloff. It is also a pivotal film in some surprising ways, not least because it began the whole "lost love reincarnated" trope which has become almost ubiquitous in horror films ever since (probably done best in Bram Stoker's Dracula, but present many times elsewhere, usually involving vampires).

About a decade ago, after many years in development, Stephen Sommers directed his own version of The Mummy amid massive special effects--the result being a grotesque mess of a motion picture. Among other things, it is a perfect example of an "idiot plot." Quite simply, the story only makes sense once you realize every single character in it--including all of the ones off-screen--are idiots. The cast is good, but they are doing their best to rise above utterly wretched material designed for maximum cheap humor coupled with spectacular fight scenes.

No, I didn't like it. Not one little bit. And yet, it is Sommers' best movie. Don't get me started on the mess that is Van Helsing.

I do not mind special effects, not at all. Expanding the story makes plenty of sense to moi. But I simply don't buy that either one necessitates a terrible screenplay. The original has the essence of something great, something that so struck a cord it has been replayed again and again. Barnabas and Josette in Dark Shadows is an obvious example--the search by a supernatural being for his lost love, now reincarnated (or so he believes).

Let us start with the characters. At the heart of this story is Imhotep, the Egyptian priest buried alive and brought back to life by the careless recitation of words from a magical scroll by an archeologist who goes mad at the sight. I suggest Alexander Siddig in the title role, an actor best known in this country for his work on the t.v. show Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. But he's always shown considerable more ability than that particular show allowed, even if it was my favorite Star Trek. Besides, with him as Imhotep (later masquerading as the egyptologist Ardath Bey) one can see the heroine actually tempted to join in living death. It helps methinks if at least some of the audience ends up on the Mummy's side!

Helen Grosvenor is the love interest, reincarnation of the Princess for whom Imhotep was sentenced to a horrifying death. My choice is an actress I've admired ever since she appeared in "Five Little Pigs" for Poirot. Her name is Sophie Winkleman and she's been increasingly busy. She even played a princess in the now-defunct series The Palace. One thing lost in the remake was the notion that Helen is half-Egyptian herself, but methinks that offers a marvelous source of drama. Racism rarely came under attack in 1930s films, it too-often being regarded as the status quo. But seems to me that the knee-jerk reaction of many Europeans (and natives) to a "half breed" would create greater tension. Were Helen a strong young woman living with a certain amount of loneliness, as a semi-pariah she is both more vulnerable yet also more likely to make surprising decisions. In other words, we might more easily believe she would choose Imhotep over her contemporary love interest.

That contemporary love interest is Frank Whemple, son of the man who discovered Imhotep and who now (with Ardeth Bay's help) uncovers the lost tomb of Princess Ankh-es-en-amon. Honestly, in my version it would be Whemple's father who went mad after seeing the Mummy come to life. Imagine if you will a young Englishman with something to prove, someone only too willing to buck social trends by falling for Helen. Methinks a good choice for this role is frankly Robert Pattinson. Methinks he is a very good, very intense actor and it would be a nice stretch for him to play an English gentleman struggling with defying social conventions, a rational view of the world now challenged by the supernatural, and haunted by the tragedy of his father's madness. Besides this triangle now makes plenty of sense in terms of chemistry!

Dr. Mueller is the "Van Helsing" character of the piece, the one who figures out what is going on. In the original, he was even played by Edward van Sloan (who was indeed Bela Lugosi's nemesis in the first Dracula). I'd cast Toby Stephens in the part. A fine actor who looks almost excessively Anglo-Saxon (all the more to highlight Helen's race), he has a sense of the sinister which is more believable in someone who sees an inexplicable events and considers "the living dead" as a possible solution! Recall this story is contemporary with Aleister Crowley and the rise of nationalist occultism in Germany.

Honestly, I also feel the story needs another female character, so I'd give Frank a sister--let us call her Anne. She can be a confidante of her brother, a voice of reason (dead people coming to life?) and of propriety (falling for a half-Arab girl?) and maybe even something of a not-quite-friend to Helen. An actress I very much admire is Kelly Reilly, best known in this country probably as Mary Morstan in the new film Sherlock Holmes. One can also imagine her taking some kind of terrible chance amidst the supernatural events, blithely not seeing the full scope of the danger.

Methinks expanding the "action" of the story makes perfect sense, but one needn't include armies of zombies to the mix. Let us keep, for example, the plot device that Imhotep learns that resurrecting his beloved won't work because she has been reborn. He then seeks out strange occult means of learning her identity, and in the process stirs Helen's memories of past lives. Thus her interest in him grows, part of her recognizing this strange man as someone important to her... But the choice of precisely what to do remains her own. (Parenthetically, I hated that this character in the remake ended up nothing more than a tool for Imhotep to use in bringing back his love--jeopardy replacing drama, an obstacle course of physical dangers replacing human conflict). Methinks the spectacle of such a story can be reflected in all sorts of things, not least the weather and reactions of official authorities as strange events mount (the theft of ancient treasures, for example--needed by Imhotep for his work). Ritual magic requires all kinds of specifics, including the exact positions of stars so that can provide the "ticking time bomb" aspect of the story. A sumptuous use of flashback imagery from Ancient Egypt could help the film even more visually exciting. But at its heart we need to care about the characters, and the story needs to be about that.

Okay, rant over. My delving into wish-fullfillment is done. Thanks for your patience.

Dream Cast "Carmilla"

Awhile back, I posted my dream cast for Jane Eyre. Well, now my imagination turns to what some might call more 'up my alley.' One of my favorite period stories is Sheridan LeFanu's Carmilla, part of a collection published under the title Under a Glass Darkly. Some disagree, but most who've studied such things say LeFanu's tale is the first example of the lesbian vampire trope. After Bram Stoker's famous novel of a Transylvanian Count, this may be the most adapted vampire story in history (although the caped impaler wins handily in that category, probably by an order of magnitude).

Most such adaptations are poor, to say the least. Many are trashy, brimming with sexual innuendo but no tension, drama, or even eroticism. Others, like Hammer Studios' The Vampire Lovers at least qualify as guilty pleasures. Roger Vadim at least tried to do a more-or-less faithful rendering in Blood and Roses (its English title). But even he changed to period, location, the focus and introduced a male love interest (not at all uncommon is such adaptations).

As of today, I have every known filmed version of the story save two--one of which is believed lost (a BBC production from the 1960s) and the other was a French t.v. film from the 1980s (am working on finding that one). Hardly any even try to capture the peculiar flavor of the original.

Granted, this is anything but an easy task. Much of the "action" takes place off stage (or page, if you prefer). The discovery of the vampire and her destruction follow almost immediately. No chases across the mountains, no futile efforts to keep the undead from her prey. In essence, the entire novella is from the victim/beloved's POV, a waif named Laura who usually becomes little more than a pretty prop for the filmmakers (Showtime's Nightmare Classics version is notable for at least breaking this stereotype).

But consider...Styria (the setting) is a sparsely populated land of mountains and forests dotted with farms and the occasional schloss. Following invasions and war its towns and castles mostly lie fallow. It is an empty land, a haunted landscape. Mists hover around the near-empty woods and valleys. On the night of a full moon, a stranger comes to a lonely family--a girl named Laura living with her widowed father. What's more, this stranger (the title character) recognizes Laura as someone from her childhood dreams. Laura recalls Carmilla the same way! Thus is born a mysterious friendship which proves to be much more.

Imagine if you will a motion picture as atmospheric as Picnic at Hanging Rock or Let The Right One In or The Duellists (plus maybe a touch of Lets Scare Jessica To Death). Laura and Carmilla walk together amid the lime trees, wheedling secrets from one another, sharing a dream not only in the past but to some extent right now.

Laura in the novel is telling what happened to someone--we do not know who. How reliable a narrator might she be? What was left unsaid? For example, who can say where Carmilla dwells at other times? She must sleep in her grave, yes, but who are the people who brought her? If anything, the coach and aristocratic woman who calls herself the vampire's mother seem even stranger that she herself. In truth, the novella abounds in tiny unanswered questions. My ideal would be for a film focusing on those questions, yet not really answering many of them.

Along those lines, I would suggest an unconventional choice for Laura. Some fans suggest Emma Watson for the role, but given the nature of Laura--this lonely, rather naive girl who so fascinates an unaging nosferatu--my suggestion is another Harry Potter alumn. Evanna Lynch.

For the title character, I'd choose someone who's actually played a vampire once before, but is now better known for another fantasy film series. Anna Poppelwell (for those who don't know, she was in the recent two big budget films based on the Chronicles of Narnia). Some might think this odd casting, since Ms. Lynch comes across as so ethereal while Ms. Poppelwell is quite voluptuous. Yet to me this creates an interesting dynamic, and helps explain/reinforce the relationship of the two--each in some sense is better suited to be the other, and perhaps on some level they know it. Besides, expectations are things to be used ruthlessly by storytellers the world over. So there!

Laura's father, whose name we never learn, is supposed to be English and elderly. Yet there's also something of a mystery to him. For example, he evidently forbade Laura to be told ghost stories and the like when she was a child. Why? For that matter, whatever happened to his wife, Laura's mother? My choice would be Edward Petherbridge, an excellent British actor probably best known here in the States as Lord Peter Wimsey on Mystery.

Running the household is Madame Perradon, Laura's governess and for all practical purposes her mother-figure. Since the casting in this matter is entirely up to me, I will select another British actor, one rightly praised for her many fine performances--Kristen Scott Thomas, perhaps best known for The English Patient but equally if not more impressive in such films as Angels and Insects, Four Weddings and a Funeral, etc.

Maybe somebody someday will do a version not unlike the one described here. Maybe. Stranger things have happened.

Dream Cast: "Dark Shadows"

For those of you who don't know, Dark Shadows was a gothic soap opera in the late 1960s. It was heady if overblown stuff, centered around the ghosts and vampires and werewolves and such in Collinsport, Maine. Tim Burton and Johnny Depp are supposed to be making a big screen version of the tale, which I regard as excellent news.

But the cast list is actually so large, and the story so convoluted I find myself wishing for a television adaptation. Being just a tiny bit of a perv, my preference would be for a cable series -- all that lovely sex and violence up front and out there for us to see.

And because I'm the sort to do this, here is my breakdown of who should play who...

To start with, Jonathan Rhys Myers (most recently of The Tudors) as the reluctant vampire Barnabas Collins. He is a fine actor, with plenty of dark charisma as well as sex appeal. One can pretty easily imagine him as a predator of beautiful women and trying to talk himself into justifying each act. Likewise, isn't it easy to imagine him in one of Barnabas' self-destructive rages, all stubborn and fatalistic?

And to be honest, I'm sad enough to have given this whole idea too much thought. In my Dark Shadows, Barnabas is already out of his chained prison, having escaped a generation earlier (with evidence of same found recently -- as in the broken coffin in the secret room and the mummified remains of Willie Loomis, his throat shredded) and now having returned to Collinwood...


Likewise my choice for Victoria Winters, the governess with the mysterious past, is Amber Benson (best known as Tara on Buffy the Vampire Slayer). Frankly, I think she should write for the show too -- she very multi-talented. In this scenario, the child who needs a private teacher is Daphne, Roger Collins' daughter with borderline autism and a tendency to "know" things others do not. Miss Winters is not the lookalike of Josette (which has become a cliche) and frankly probably has a dark side. Why not give her a juvie record? Yeah, and probably some disreputable friends who may eventually show up. It is she and Daphne who discover the Secret Room...


Roger Collins would be played by James Spader, late of Boston Legal but always in my mind the star of The Secretary. Borrowing a bit from the later seasons of the original series, let us put him in a wheelchair, still recovering from the terrible car accident that killed his wife Laura. He is the ne're do well of the Collins family, looking for some way to "make his mark" amidst the fact his sister really runs things. His motives are not simply vanity, but to personally insure the future of his daughter. Also, he is the one who chose Victoria Winters, and the reason why is one of many mysteries to explore.

Frankly one of the reasons for changing Roger's child from the budding sociopath David to the mildly autistic Daphne is to both justify a governess in this day and age, as well as making us more sympathetic. Plus that way she serves the plot more interestingly, and perhaps will remind Barnabas more obviously of his sister, Sarah. A resemblance there is more believable, given their relations, and frankly makes for a more interesting dynamic. As Daphne I would cast Ellen Page.


Elizabeth Collins Stoddard is a major character, the true head of the Collins family. In the original series, she's a rather broken recluse. But isn't it more interesting if she has had to become the head of the family and become only-too-good at it? Enough to cause resentment, which has cost her emotionally? And maybe as our story begins, she's just beginning to come out of her shell following the desertion by her husband. Marcia Cross of Desperate Housewives is my casting choice for Liz. I would also have her, rather than Carolyn, ultimately become the devoted victim/servant of Barnabas.


Rachael Bella is who I would cast as Carolyn Stoddard. She's probably best known for a small but important part in the American remake of The Ring, as well as being Edward Furlong's ex-wife. Quite frankly, I'd like to see Carolyn as something other than a typical rebellious teen. Let us say that she was good friends with Roger's late wife, that she is someone deeply interested in unusual areas of knowledge. In other words, if there is anyone most likely to figure out something is very, very odd about Collinwood, it would be Carolyn.


I'd also frankly include Burke Devlin, played by Julian McMahon former of Charmed. He's a fine actor and would frankly make a fine foil for others, a businessman with a past interest in Collinsport and more than a passing interest in the Collins clan. I always liked the idea that he was a former suitor for Laura, and think it'd be cool if he felt protective of Daphne -- as well as intensely curious about the accident that claimed her mother's life. Besides, he could easily be a romantic interest for Vickoria, for Liz or for Carolyn.

Clearly, I'd like to see Dark Shadows re-imagined much as was Battlestar Galactica. And why not?

Jane Eyre Dream Cast?

My favorite version (of those I've seen) of Charlotte Bronte's Jane Eyre is the 1997 version with Cieran Hinds and Samantha Morton. Unfortunately, it is one of the shorter versions. But, on the other hand, the absolute heart of that story is the love between the characters of Jane and Rochester. Those two actors made me believe. Watching it, I fully expected that were I somehow transported into the world of this film, and had I walked in between these two characters that my hair would stand on end. Such electricity hummed between them.

Mind you, count me as a huge fan of both actors anyway.

The first Jane Eyre I can recall seeing was with Susannah York and George C. Scott. Others have included actors such as Orson Wells, Tobey Stephens, Timothy Dalton, etc. One of the reasons I like the '97 version is because I tend to think of it in terms of both Rochester and Jane. The latter is a part that lends itself to cheese, frankly, and insipid cheese at that. Not because the role is poor or the character weak -- but she's trickier to capture and there are traps all too eagerly waiting the actor, writer and director.

Harker in Dracula has a similar problem. So does "Boss" Mangan in Shaw's Heartbreak House. Roxanne in Cyrano de Bergerac is another of those diabolically tricky roles.

Any cursory bit of research will reveal lots of adaptations of Bronte's famous novel, and there's no reason to believe more won't be forthcoming. So, for fun's sake, here is my "dream cast" for a version of the tale...

Begin with the lead. I am an intense fan of actor Emily Blunt, soon to be seen in the remake of The Wolf Man and previously star of such films as The Jane Austen Book Club. Apart from her talent, there is the smoldering but quiet intensity she can bring to a role as well as dignity even amidst passion. The biggest difficulty may be that she is actually a very lovely woman, but sans makeup and with a severe 'do methinks she can pull the necessary plainness (or really, lack of glamor) off.

Rochester is more of a problem, because frankly some of the first names that spring to mind are really too old. Blunt is in her twenties, so Rochester cannot really be much older than his forties (or at least cannot look any older). Ten, twenty years ago methinks Gary Oldman would have been perfect. Since this is 2009, I fixed on Christian Bale who at the time of this writing is pushing forty. Among other considerations, you need an actor of Blunt's stature in terms of power and range. Most folks know him from Batman Begins and The Dark Knight but he has an impressive resume even without a cape.

Part of the dynamic of the story requires some thought into a few other casting choices. Most of all, to offset Emily Blunt's attractiveness, we probably need a spectacular beauty for her rival, Blanche Ingram. I would cast Scarlett Johanson in the role.

In some ways the trickiest part of the whole story is the beginning, because that is before the "meat" of the love story. Towards fixing that, I'd choose one of the greatest scene-stealers in cinema today, Bill Nighy, as the villainous Mr. Brockelhurst.

And I do feel that many versions of the novel make a mistake in casting St. John Rivers as a dry ascetic. Much better, at least IMHO, to go with someone we can totally see Jane falling for. Someone handsome and charming as well as kind and good. Hence...James MacAvoy.

At this point I've spent something like twelve million dollars on casting alone. Ah well.

Thus ends this flight of fancy...